ALL THE FEELS
Hey loves,
Wow! What a crazy week it's been. I should have know that launching this journey and specifically launching self-care September that I'd be attracting lessons that I needed to re-learn for myself! Like, holy cow, every single theme that I touched on has appeared in my life in some lesson. It's almost like the universe is like, "You're stepping out of your comfort zone and doing something new. You're espousing all these lessons. You sure about all that?" Like, the universe is testing that I'm willing to practice what I preach. Well, guess what, universe, here I am. I'm showing all the way up for this, and if that means learning lessons I thought I had already learned, cool. I've been leaning into it, and each time I do, I gain a deeper understanding. Honestly, I'm LOVING it! On that note, let's talk about what I've learned, or relearned this week...
Last weeks post really resonated with me throughout this week. I talked about Self-Care 101, and in that, I touched on emotions and allowing yourself to feel them and process them. So often, we label our emotions as good, bad, or ugly, but in reality, they are always there as a signal of something that's going on. If we allow ourselves to sit in them and then try to unpack where they are coming from, they can teach us a lesson. Why do we judge ourselves for feeling sad or angry? Guilt, shame, whatever we're feeling, we judge ourselves and immediately try to change the emotion. Usually this happens in ways that aren't so healthy. I know a lot of us will eat that chocolate bar or tub of ice cream and "eat our feelings" or drink some wine. This is escapism. When we cover up the unpleasant feelings and try to make them go away, we don't get to the root cause. So actually, we cheat ourselves of an opportunity to learn and grow because it's temporarily uncomfortable. Lean in. The next time you feel a difficult emotion, ask yourself where it's coming from. Does your body actually need something? Good, nutrient dense food, water, and rest are the main things our body needs. Since it's not normal in a busy life to prioritize self-care, our bodies are often telling us to tend to ourselves better, and that can often manifest in not feeling well, which can come out as "negative" emotions. So, start there. Feeling down? Have you properly hydrated, fed, and rested your body? If you're still feeling rough, ask yourself why. What do you need? Do you need to feel heard? Does your body need to process trauma? Do you have needs that aren't being met in your relationships? Sit in the emotion, drop the judgment, and allow yourself to get to the root. Then, when you think you've figured out what's causing this unpleasant feeling, take inspired steps to solving the problem. Tell the person you love that you need space to feel things and explain what you're feeling. Ask for what you need, and tell them that you want to know how to meet theirs, too. Showing up for yourself and advocating for your own needs is a great way to start having your needs met.
With society placing so much importance on output, there's a heightened pressure to be strong, and emotions can often be considered weakness, for men and women! We feel like we're expected to tough it out, push through it, and "leave it at the door". Well, sure, there's a time and a place for everything, but when do we actually allow ourselves to feel things without judgment? Not often, I'd venture to say! Because of this mentality and because of our instant gratification culture, anytime a "negative" emotion comes up, we look to get rid of it as quickly as possible. How many people do you know that are standing in their own way because they won't give up self-destructive habits? A lot of times, these habits are a result of not dealing with emotions, past traumas, shame, hurt, and sadness. If you spend all your time covering these emotions and running from them or trying to make them go away, you keep yourself trapped in unhealthy patterns, behavior, and ultimately, you keep yourself from growth. I'll use some vulnerable examples from my own life, cuz Lord knows, I changed my life massively when I started to do a deep dive and decided to face myself. A year ago, I noticed that I started drinking fairly often. Now, I was a bit of a party animal when I was younger, but I'd really gotten myself together, and for health and fitness reasons, I rarely drank anymore. But, suddenly, a year ago, I started drinking more. Why? Stress and anxiety, pure and simple. That $3 Aldi wine made it hard to say no, and by the time bedtime for my kiddo rolled around, I needed to release my stress, so I drank. This led to other unhealthy habits, but even thought I noticed and didn't like it, I kept going. Drinking kept me up later, made me less productive, and ended up causing a stress cycle because the time I spent drinking and on "me-time" could have been used handling the things that kept me stressed. Now, don't get me wrong, sometimes a glass or 2 of wine in a bubble bath for some me-time is great, but if it's happening multiple times a week, you have to ask what you're avoiding. For me, I was trying to cope with stress and anxiety of financial struggle, of feeling like I was alone a lot of the time, and for feeling like the brunt of our familial responsibilities fell on my shoulders. I finally got to a breaking point where I couldn't keep living this way, and my epiphany was the moment that I realized I was feeling all of these things, but because I was trying to mask the unpleasant emotions, I wasn't actually doing a damn thing to change the situation. I got real with myself and started to identify the emotions. Instead of judging myself for them, I allowed space for myself to feel them completely. These uncomfortable emotions can be channeled into fuel for change, if leveraged correctly, so that's what I did. I had a real talk with my partner about how I was feeling, and I identified the areas he could help me. I knew I needed support. Feeling alone and lonely really equaled needing to feel more supported. When I asked for that, I got it! I changed my whole life by going through my emotions one at a time and figuring out what was causing them and what I could do to change them. I was the only one with that power. When you have the guts to feel the hard stuff and face it, you become limitless. You become powerful. You are a conscious creator of your reality, and when you lean in and learn, you have endless room for growth.
Just as a basic exercise for dealing with emotions, follow these easy steps:
Notice how you feel- check in with your body and your emotions
Name the emotion and the physical sensations you're experiencing
Accept your current state. This is your reality in that moment, and it's ok to feel that way. Don't judge, just be.
Investigate. What prompted these feelings and sensations? How intense are these feelings? Are you breathing? Are you fed, hydrated, and rested? Maybe you just need some basic self-care. Maybe there's more to these feelings. Ask yourself the questions to help you get to the bottom of them.
Allow and release, or as I like to say, "Let it flow, and let it go". Notice your thoughts and allow yourself the space to feel and think. Remember to keep breathing! Release judgment or struggle with these thoughts, emotions, and sensations.
Ask yourself how you can address the root cause of these. Maybe your body needs to move to release stored energy. Maybe you need a good cry. Maybe you need to tell someone that they've upset you. The power is yours now to create a new reality that FEELS better!
Love yourself through any feeling! You're beautiful. You're stronger than you give yourself credit for. You deserve to feel good things.
Now, go into this week open to exploring emotions instead of judging or running from them. Don't forget to love on yourself!
Until next week, I believe in you,
- Mer
